intimate stranger
all too familiar are your thoughtful words and kind gestures
you played with emotions, a gaze too painful for the eyes to see
an empty smile offered sincerely from my inmost being

intimate stranger
i had you but never really own you
the answer will remain a question
perhaps one day there will be that final closure

intimate stranger
the uncanny feeling repeats itself
it’s been too long yet i’ve journey no where
unshackle these chains, you hold the key

intimate stranger
listen and listen well
i now take a step back with hopes to move two step forward
and i know my God’s strength will brave me through

i am the spectator from afar
hidden beneath my convincing lies
yearning to be free from my bitterness
longing to be ever so truthful to thee
wishing dearly for simplicity

i am the spectator from afar
this is where i’m meant to be
this is where i choose to be
this is where i will be
until time shows kindness to me
until You, beloved Father
reveal Thy great plan to me

grant my hearts desire
according to Thy loving will
in You, abba Father
i shed my heart’s tears

see my heart bleed
hear my heart plead
the void is too deep
too cold and too lonely

i long not to be
the spectator from afar anymore

and the narrow road continues on
leading to where?
i’m not so certain anymore

promises. let downs.
part and parcel of the winding journey
the disappointments are overwhelming
the reasons are heartbreaking

i need strength
the wait is demotivating

but Your word encourages…

yesterday’s verse was:

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 (NIV)

year 2007 has been:

• a time of exploration and self-discovery; a change in perspective
• a time of building; principles of sowing and reaping applies
• a time of bonding and reconciliation; trust is put to the test
• a time of laughing; sometimes weeping
• an end to many good things; the beginning of many great things.

i commit my new year into Your loving hands
trusting You through each journey that i embark on
knowing You’ll be merciful and faithful
assured that You have nothing but the best in mind
secured under Your guiding wings

i welcome you, year 2008!
be great dear Lord…

thank You for not passing me by.
thank You for seeing those tears.
thank You for understanding my disappointments.
thank You for assuring.

i won’t deny the anxiety.
i won’t deny Thy faithfulness either.

i’m holding on to Your promises,
Your words of confirmation and encouragement that was revealed tonight.
i don’t how but in You i trust, dearest Daddy

amen.

i thought i was prepared for the worst but that one brief email reply made me realised that i had too high hopes. i guess i was never prepared to face the news. now it’s gone and i don’t know what else to expect any more. i don’t even know how i should break the news to the people that matter most. i’m still in disbelief.

why did You what was/is Your purpose of showing it all and taking it all away?
i’m struggling to hold back the tears, to ignore the stabbing pain.
it feels like You’ve let me down but i know for certain that You haven’t.
i don’t understand but i really do want to understand.

five days left to countdown
i’m claiming it
so let it come to pass
according to Thy will

three days to a new creation
behave, itchy hands.

one more day to opportunity
i wonder but should i hope?
fickle minded, fickle feelings
seriously, what’s next?

wee hours of reflection
quiet moments of thanksgiving
the best to us
thank you

past is unchangeable
present, redeemable by grace
future, i dare you dream

be great, be glorified
be in the centre of it all

it’s just one minute mistake, or so i thought.
but the end result might be more than i could probably bear.
ever.

the discourse of things has changed, no matter the countless explanations.
the regrets are pointless. what’s done cannot be undone.
i expected what’s to come. i underestimated the scale of it though.
sigh.

tomorrow, i dread.
the day after and the day after that will be brighter days.
i hope so. i pray so. i desire so.

silence is bitter.
but silence is better, for now at least and maybe for good.

oh Lord,
Your grace and faithfulness must prevail once again.
i know it will. i trust it will.
i lay it all in Your loving hands.

amen.